Burning Out

So this week I have been going through a full-fledged burn out.  I have had several unexpected expenses this month.  Right now, I only have like $50 to my name.  I don't get paid until next Wednesday.  I am also worried because I need to finish off my cosplay for NDK in a couple of weeks.

Couple this with my disappointment in myself for not going out.  It is just layers upon layers.  I was hoping to have a little experience before heading to NDK.  ^_^ then again I would not have the proper experience I think... I believe Anime Conventions are more Day Game than they are night game.  However, I have always been unclear on that.  Plus I will be going with my friends who are more ambient anime fanatics.  I don't know... I think I am over thinking and over plotting again... this is a habit I am trying to break.  I guess there is always my college homecoming....

Anyway, my mind has been reeling... I sometimes feel like this is not a path for me.... Like I should recluse in and focus on my anime website.  Then I remember I am trying to change... lying around at my apartment drinking, playing video games and watching anime is what turned me into the wreck I am now.  I won't ever give up the video games and anime, but I will try to go out.  I don't know.... I think part of me only wants to do this to say I can... then there is the part of me who wants to try to run the "How To Talk To Girls" panel at an anime convention in a couple of years.  I went to one a couple of years ago... it was laughable at best.  Just the guy running it asking girls for their opinion and the girls saying "Girls are complex".... I am a bit more out going now... maybe I will go to that panel.  After the 2nd or 3rd girl says "Girls are complex" i can say  something like "Yes so is a rubix cube".

Anyway my mind has been overactive and I cannot fall asleep, despite being beat from the gym.  I just needed to confess and clear my thoughts.

Still on Day Zero

[SIZE="5"][U][FONT="Impact"]Still on Day Zero[/FONT][/U][/SIZE]
Since this weekend was the first weekend in August.  I am sure some people might be expecting me to have some kind of field report for this weekend.  Sadly there is none.  My lack of sleeping has finally caught up to me.  I was pretty sick Friday and a chunk of Saturday.  Then my inner game was a bit out of whack for Saturday night.  Overall this has been kind of crappy weekend for me.  I can only really off excuses.  None good, I feel like crap because in the end I am only hurting myself.  I need to buckle down and get through the rest of the emotional progression model.

Anyway, over the past couple of weeks I had some random conversations.  Now that I am a bit more ware of how a good conversation works, I am noticing some stuff.  For starters, sometimes I rush what I say.  I know what I am trying to say, but everything comes out smushed together.  When I correct myself, I do so in a semi-panicked tone.  I do not know why I do this.  I am trying to work on it... however... I still have a problem with my mind going blank when I am trying to socialize.

Yet another problem I have.  When placed in an unfamiliar social setting I tend to freeze up.  Today was a perfect example.  A waitress at Old Chicago was commenting on my hat.  She said it was a cool hat.  When I tried to explain to her where it was from I had a hard time finding the words.  When asked a question my mind just went blank.  I can blame my crappy mood for this as well.  Hell I had not showered or shaved... I looked like I just feel out of bed and did not feel like cooking for myself.  Oh well chance missed, it happens.

Finally, I have been paying more attention to conversations I have.  I am noticing how boring Yes/No conversations are.  My friend tends to get stuck in those kinds of conversations.  He will just start talking.  All of his questions will be a yes or no question.  I can tell when he thinks I am not listening.  It is really hard to force his question into a discussion.  Especially when I agree with what he is saying.  I always find it hard to have small talk.  Maybe I am just over thinking.

Anyway,  I am going to rest up and work on finishing up the chapters on the Emotional Progression Model.  That way I can head out and do my one encounter.  I guess I need to spend some time this week looking for bars to go too.  Maybe my company will have a happy hour and I can go spend time with them and then do my one conversation on my way out?