Still on Day Zero

[SIZE="5"][U][FONT="Impact"]Still on Day Zero[/FONT][/U][/SIZE]
Since this weekend was the first weekend in August.  I am sure some people might be expecting me to have some kind of field report for this weekend.  Sadly there is none.  My lack of sleeping has finally caught up to me.  I was pretty sick Friday and a chunk of Saturday.  Then my inner game was a bit out of whack for Saturday night.  Overall this has been kind of crappy weekend for me.  I can only really off excuses.  None good, I feel like crap because in the end I am only hurting myself.  I need to buckle down and get through the rest of the emotional progression model.

Anyway, over the past couple of weeks I had some random conversations.  Now that I am a bit more ware of how a good conversation works, I am noticing some stuff.  For starters, sometimes I rush what I say.  I know what I am trying to say, but everything comes out smushed together.  When I correct myself, I do so in a semi-panicked tone.  I do not know why I do this.  I am trying to work on it... however... I still have a problem with my mind going blank when I am trying to socialize.

Yet another problem I have.  When placed in an unfamiliar social setting I tend to freeze up.  Today was a perfect example.  A waitress at Old Chicago was commenting on my hat.  She said it was a cool hat.  When I tried to explain to her where it was from I had a hard time finding the words.  When asked a question my mind just went blank.  I can blame my crappy mood for this as well.  Hell I had not showered or shaved... I looked like I just feel out of bed and did not feel like cooking for myself.  Oh well chance missed, it happens.

Finally, I have been paying more attention to conversations I have.  I am noticing how boring Yes/No conversations are.  My friend tends to get stuck in those kinds of conversations.  He will just start talking.  All of his questions will be a yes or no question.  I can tell when he thinks I am not listening.  It is really hard to force his question into a discussion.  Especially when I agree with what he is saying.  I always find it hard to have small talk.  Maybe I am just over thinking.

Anyway,  I am going to rest up and work on finishing up the chapters on the Emotional Progression Model.  That way I can head out and do my one encounter.  I guess I need to spend some time this week looking for bars to go too.  Maybe my company will have a happy hour and I can go spend time with them and then do my one conversation on my way out?

The First Post

My main goal with this journal is to record what I see as I walk down a path I never thought I would walk down. The path to becoming a PUA, ladies man, player, whatever. I felt I needed to make this journal now. I say now, because I need to at least have a start. My plans are to start going downtown to bars in August. I might go more than once a week. However, right now the minimum is once a week. I need to get a little practice before NDK. NDK is just the start for me though. To be honest I am hoping that come NDK 2012... if I am still in this state...I can start looking for a more serious relationship.  I stress the word hope.  I have no idea if I will accomplish this goal or not.  We shall see what I want in a year.  Maybe I will just be making notches on my wall right?

Since I feel the need to waste more blog space.  Let me talk about some of my metaphors.  I borrow a lot from Japanese metaphors, I am an otaku after all.  Generally the Japanese use the term "Burning" to describe someone who is passionate.  While I do not believe my metaphor is 100% correct.  I choose my current name of A Froze Soul, as sort of a play on their metaphor.  I lack passion and a zest for life.  The whole point of this quest to change is to give me or of a passion and zest for life.  So right now I am frozen, cold, lifeless.  I admit it, I am not ashamed to admit it either.  The first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem right?  That is where my naming comes from.

Hopefully this journal will give me the ability to indulge a habit of mine, the habit to over analyze.  I will likely come up with some obnoxious system for labeling things... anyway.  Now this journal is here.  I have no excuses to not start trying come August.